Motherhood & Friendship
One of the hardest parts of becoming a mom was realizing that some of my closest friendships would change—not because we wanted them to, but because we were suddenly living in different worlds.
Before kids, it was easy. Late-nights, spontaneous weekend plans, long, uninterrupted brunches where no one needed to cut up someone else’s food. But now? Plans require three to five business days' notice, text conversations stretch over weeks, and half of my messages start with, “Sorry, just seeing this!”
Becoming a parent doesn’t just change your daily routine—it changes you. You’re no longer the person you were before, and sometimes, that means you’re not the same person your friends remember. The carefree, spontaneous version of you might now be someone who has to plan everything around nap schedules and snack supplies. The friend who once started to get ready to go out at 10 PM might now struggle to keep their eyes open past 9 PM. It’s not that you don’t care or that you’ve outgrown your friendships—it’s that parenthood rewires you, shifting your priorities, your energy, and even the way you see the world. And while that change can sometimes feel like a loss, it’s also an evolution.
My best friend and I always joked that we would never go through a mid-life crisis, because we lived our best lives in our early 20’s. Looking back, I have no complaints, no regrets, just memories of some of the most perfect and best nights of my life.
While I am not and have never been the type of person who thinks people have to get married and have children to live a full life, it’s inevitable that you start to feel an unspoken shift when some of you take that path in life—the feeling that your friends who aren’t parents don’t quite get it, or that you can’t always show up for them the way you used to. It’s not that the love is gone, but the dynamics have changed. And navigating that? It’s hard.
There have been so many times over the last 10 years that I couldn’t be there for my friends in the way I would have been there for them prior to being someone’s wife or mother. Let me be clear, none of my amazing friends have ever placed guilt on me for this, I placed it on myself. My friends, parents or not, have always understood that my family comes first. However, I’ve always prided myself on being a good friend, a reliable friend, someone who would drop everything to be there for someone I love.
But here’s the thing—friendships don’t have to end just because life looks different. They evolve. And sometimes, they require a little more effort, a little more grace, and a whole lot of understanding.
Here’s some things that have helped me maintain my friendships during different stages of life.
1- Accepting that things will change, and that’s ok. Friendships, like life, go through seasons. A shift in how often you talk or see each other doesn’t mean the friendship is over—it just means you’re adapting. There doesn’t need to be any pressure or guilt attached to that.
2-Respecting and celebrating each other’s stages of life. Just because I am a mom of two young children doesn’t mean that I cannot go out to celebrate my friend’s new promotion at work, console someone after a break-up, or help them move into their first home! If your friends love you despite not fully understanding your chaotic schedule and toddler tantrums, that’s something worth cherishing.
3- Reconnecting when you feel distant. This doesn’t mean planning a wild night out to relive your glory days. This just means letting that person know you are thinking about them. If a funny memory pops into my head or I see something that reminds me of someone I love, I will text them to let them know. A simple “thinking of you” text message can make a huge difference.
At the end of the day, friendship isn’t about having the exact same life experiences—it’s about showing up for each other in whatever way you can. The best friendships evolve and adjust as life changes. And sometimes, they require a break or some distance, so that you can focus on other aspects of your life.
The best friendships don’t keep score—they just keep showing up.
