Self Care
Has the term “self-care” become a hot topic? It seems like anything labeled for women—especially moms—eventually sparks debate. What actually counts as self-care? Is it a weekend getaway with your friends? Or just locking yourself in the bathroom for five minutes of silence?
I’ve realized that my definition of self-care has changed a lot over the years. When I was single with no kids, it meant dinner with friends or a spa day. When I had a newborn, self-care was just taking a shower. Now, as a mom of a 3- and 8-year-old, it might be a weekend away with friends—or simply going grocery shopping alone. And honestly? Both bring me the same amount of joy in the moment.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like there is self-care pressure. It’s not just about making time for yourself anymore—it’s about doing self-care the right way. The way everyone else thinks you should. It’s like there’s this unspoken rulebook: You have to prioritize yourself, but not too much. Take time for self-care, but don’t be selfish. And if you don’t carve out “me time,” you must be overly obsessed with your kids or neglecting your own well-being.
It feels like we’ve gone from being told to give everything to our families to now being told we’re doing it wrong if we don’t take enough time away. If your version of self-care is a hot bath after the kids go to bed, you’re “not really making time for yourself.” But if you take an entire weekend away, you risk being judged for “escaping” motherhood. It’s exhausting.
*This sounds like my self-care version of America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie.
There’s a huge piece of this that most people fail to talk about- support. Prioritizing self-care often depends on whether we have the support to do it. Most times, moms are expected to juggle everything without a second thought, and then, on top of that, magically carve out time for themselves. But real self-care doesn’t just happen—it requires intention, planning, and a support system. Partners play a huge role in this. When they can recognize that we need a break, step in without being asked, or actively encourage us to take time for ourselves, it makes all the difference. Because self-care shouldn’t feel like just another thing on our never-ending to-do list. Which is what it has become (for me anyway). But what about the moms who don’t have that support? Single moms don’t have the luxury of passing off responsibilities to a partner so they can take a breather. They are the parent, the default, the one managing everything. For them, self-care looks totally different, and I am guessing that self-care for a single mom isn’t about doing something relaxing at all; it’s about survival, about creating just enough space to catch their breath. That kind of self-care isn’t often talked about, but it’s just as important. Shout-out to all the single moms out there doing it on their own.
And speaking of things we don’t talk about—have you ever noticed that we never hear about dads practicing self-care? No one is asking dads how they make time for themselves or if they feel guilty about their hobbies. It’s just assumed that men can prioritize their needs without it being a conversation or controversial. Meanwhile, moms are flooded with messaging that we must earn our self-care, plan it carefully, make sure it’s the right kind, and, most importantly, not let it interfere with our family responsibilities. It’s a double standard that only adds to the mental load of motherhood.
What’s even more frustrating is that self-care has been branded into a luxury for women, when in reality, its origins were deeply political. I’ll just encourage you to google that.
At the end of the day, self-care should be whatever fills your cup—not what social media, influencers, or well-meaning advice givers say it should be. And if your joy comes from being with your kids more than being away from them? That’s okay, too. Some days all I want is to be with my kids. Others, I need ALL the space. Maybe self-care is less about what we do and more about giving ourselves permission to define it for ourselves—without the pressure.
